


You Can't Save Both

by motivational_sleeper



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 20:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6255559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motivational_sleeper/pseuds/motivational_sleeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua had hidden Alluka from Illumi in a hope to protect her. By ordering Killua to hurt Gon there was a chance he would use her to heal his friend and then Illumi would get his chance to kill her. (Entertaining the idea that Killua never found Illumi's needle in his head)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Save Both

 “Kill him.” Illumi’s smooth and commanding voice lilting through the cold air.

Killua can feel his blood run cold and a fresh sweat bead his skin. His pupils shrink in fear as he whips around to face his older brother. “ _Please_ , please not him.” He begs, voice cracking while he tries and fails to maintain his composure.

“It’s an order Killua, this is just another job. He isn’t your friend.” The taller man creeping ever so slowly toward the young assassin until he’s close enough to place a single reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Remember all the pain he’s caused you, don’t you want to make him suffer for doing that to you.”

The white haired boy shuts his eyes as he turns to face his friend once more. They both know Illumi’s words are already sinking in, one more order and Killua won’t be able to stop himself from obeying. He knows this and it kills him how much his brother can control him. Shakily, Killua shuts his eyes trying to force out the repeating echo of his brother’s words running through his mind.

“Killua…” Gon’s soft voice breaks through his mental struggle causing Killua to hesitantly open his eyes. Gon stands before him, eyes bright and warm as always with not even a trace of fear present. “You wouldn’t hurt me; I believe that, no I _know_ that. No matter what your brother says, I believe in you. I trust you.”

“Killua!” His brother snaps his name, shoving the white haired boy toward the other. Killua’s eyebrows furrow in frustration as he tries to prevent his eyes from closing once more. Knowing the second he lets his eyes slide closed he’ll lose any chance of preventing the inevitable. He keeps them focused on Gon. Gon has always been Killua’s light, even in the darkest of times his light pulled him away from the edge of the abyss.

The attempt to defy his brother’s orders is futile as he knew it would be. His eyes shut and reopen to reveal his empty, soul-less, murderous assassin’s stare.

Gon stands his ground as Killua takes a step toward him. “He’s lying to you Killua! Think about it, I am your friend.” There’s no hesitation from the white haired boy as he takes another step toward Gon. “You don’t need to obey him, you can decide for yourself who you kill. And you don’t want to kill me right?” Gon’s smiling, confident his words would make it through to Killua yet not sounding confident in their message.

“I _do_ want to kill you.” His words are lifeless, there’s no tone or inflection in them. Killua speaks as though he himself is dead.

Small tears spring to Gon’s eyes at the sound of the words he’d hoped his friend would never direct toward him. “You don’t mean that! I know you don’t mean that! You’re only saying this because _he_ would want you to. I’m your friend Killua!” He pleads, struggling to sound confident.

“You’re not my friend. Friends don’t hurt each other as much as you hurt me.” Again Killua doesn’t utter the words with any pain behind them but they burn Gon like a hot iron to the ribs.

Killua is now inches from the spiky haired boy who still hasn’t moved. “How can you say that? I would never do anything to hurt you!” Gon screams, tears now streaming freely down his tanned cheeks.

“Liar!” Killua’s hands lurch from his sides and wrap around the shorter boy’s throat in a fraction of a second, lifting Gon a few inches off the ground. “From the second we met Kite until now all you’ve done is hurt me!” Killua voice is rising, pain erupting in his voice. And though the sudden change gives Gon hope he’s making a breakthrough the other boy’s hands remain wrapped around his neck and his eyes remain dark.

The shorter of the two feels another pang of pain settle in his gut as he can’t help but agree with his friend’s outburst, Gon did push him away and disregard Killua’s feelings when it came to fighting the chimera. “…I’m sorry Killua. I never meant to hurt you, I shouldn’t have pushed you away, I should have thought about your feelings too instead of just thinking about my revenge. You have every right to hate me. Hell, you have every right to want to kill me.” Gon’s shoulders sag, arms dangling at his sides as he murmurs his next words. “I’ve hurt the one person I care about more than anyone else in the world, I deserve to die.”

Killua blinks, opening his eyes to reveal they’re back to normal having regained the light he’d previously lost. “Gon, I don’t hate you. I…”

“Finish your job.” Gon’s gaze shift to Illumi as he calmly barks orders, when he returns to Killua the light has once again left his eyes and the pale hands tighten on his throat once again.

“Kil…” Gon’s gasping for air. Almost as a reflex Gon’s leg swings toward Killua’s knee, knocking them both to the ground where Killua falls on top of Gon buying him a few seconds to talk.

“I won’t blame you for this so don’t have any regrets when it’s over okay? Promise me that.” Tears are streaming down Gon’s face as he lies defeated on the ground refusing to fight his friend.

“I promise.” Killua’s seething and his words are dripping with anger. Anger that could be pointed at Gon or at himself for being unable to stop. The hands tighten further and Gon lowers his eyes to the arms of the boy who’s now sitting on top of him.

“And I want to thank you…for all the times you protected me… I always thought you were the toughest…nicest…and most beautiful person I’d ever met.” Gon’s hands find their way to Killua’s wrists, not to pry them off his neck but just to touch him one last time.

Gon musters up the strength to look his friend in the eye one last time, fixing the assassin with the warmest expression as hot tears continue to make tracks down his cheeks. “Killua, I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”

Immediately the pale hands fly away from his skin like such a thing repulsed him. Gon, taking this as his only opportunity, shakily pushes up on one elbow and raises a hand to cup Killua’s jaw. He draws the white haired boy down to him and presses their lips together. The assassin’s body responds to the soft touch, lightly bringing a hand to Gon’s cheek and delicately kissing his friend back. And while it’s a short kiss, it completes Gon’s last goal in life; he just needed to tell Killua how he felt. Now he can die in peace.

“Gon…” As Killua pulls away from the kiss his eyes rim with tears. The white haired boy instinctively pulls his friend into a tight hug. “You can’t do shit like that.” He pauses, trying to fight off the embarrassment. “I appreciate you snapping me out of his control but it won’t last long, you need to run. Get away from me. I’m a danger to you.” Despite his words, Killua still hangs on desperately to his friend who makes no attempts to leave.

“Kill.” The one word uttered by his brother sends Killua over the edge again.

The hand resting on Gon’s neck suddenly twitches into its assassin form, sharp nails pricking Gon’s skin. Without a second delay the hand is raked across the boy’s throat. A bright red gash immediately springs to life, spilling the blood of his friend down his shirt.

Gon’s bright eyes focus on Killua’s now panicked ones. “You promised remember…don’t blame yourself for this. I know the control he has on you…this is his fault…not yours.”

“Gon! No! No, you can’t die. I _will_ blame myself. You can’t let me do that. You can’t die. I’ll-I’ll get Alluka. I can still save you!” The cut isn’t too deep, he’d managed to snap himself out of it a few seconds after his nails cut into Gon’s skin. There’s a chance, however small, that he could still save his friend. He just needs to get to Alluka in time.

“Shh.” Gon raises a weary hand to cup Killua’s face again. “There’s no time and that’s what he wants right?”

Ignoring Gon’s completely sound reasoning since it’s not helping, Killua pulls off his shirt to hold it to Gon’s neck in an attempt stop the bleeding. “I’m going to put pressure on your neck again okay?” Killua’s struggling to speak through his tears.

Gon’s pushing his hands away for the first time in this whole ordeal. “I’m not going to choke you, just let me stop the bleeding.” Killua pleads.

“I did everything I set out to do though. I got my revenge, I found my dad, and I finally told you how I felt about you.”

“ _Don’t_. Don’t talk like you’re going to die. You can do a lot of things to me Gon, but this, this isn’t one of them!”

“Can you hug me Killua? And hold my hand?” Gon’s eyelids droop; he’s strong but the blood loss is finally catching up to him.

Killua quickly ties the shirt around Gon’s neck before lifting him onto his lap and wrapping an arm around him. With his other hand he takes hold on Gon’s and laces their fingers together. Even the warmth Gon usually radiates is slipping away. The spiky haired head droops to rest on Killua’s shoulder allowing him to apply pressure to his friend’s wound. “Hey Gon. Don’t fall asleep okay.”

“Mmm okay…” It’s clear the boy is falling fast. _Think. Think. There’s got to be a way to get out of here without Illumi following._

Killua draws in another shaky breath while trying to suppress his tears. He keeps telling himself not to let on how bad the cut is, don’t let Gon be scared. “Let’s talk about something. Umm, what is it that you like about me?”

“Mm, you’re pretty…”

“Pretty? Gon, come on I need you to say a little more than that.”

“Your hair is so white and fluffy, I don’t get to touch it often but when I do it’s always really soft.” As if to demonstrate he lifts a weak hand and runs his fingers gently through his friend’s hair causing Killua’s heart to ache even more.

“Survive and I’ll let you touch my hair anytime you want.” _There’s nothing. No escape. I’m going to lose one of them today._

His friend shakes his head, nuzzling further into Killua’s shoulder. “This is enough.” There’s a pause. “I’m really glad I got to meet you Killua. The only thing I regret is not treating you better.”

“Shut up Gon, just shut up! Don’t say that. You treated me better than anyone I’ve ever met.” He’s a flurry of emotion; losing Gon isn’t an option. _I’m sorry Alluka._ Killua braces himself, standing up with Gon in his arms before breaking into a sprint. “And stop making it sound like you’re going to die. You told me how you feel about me, it’s only fair I tell you how I feel about you; so just hold on.”

“I can’t hold on anymore. It’s so dark…” It’s sickening how weak his voice sounds.

“Then I’ll be _your_ light this time.”

Gon struggles to lift his head and meet Killua’s eyes one last time. “You’ve always been my light.”

Killua can hear his friend slipping away. He stops dead in his tracks realizing there’s nothing to do at this point, there’s no chance of him making it to Alluka in time. He can’t do anything but memorize the last few words Gon will ever say, the smell of his skin, and the weight of his body in his arms. A single sob escapes Killua’s chest when Gon’s grip on his hand tightens as pain racks his body.

“Gon…” Killua chokes out the name.

A shaky hand is raises to brush the tears off his cheeks. “Don’t blame yourself. You’ve given me everything I ever wanted, I love you Killua.” The warm touch of Gon’s hand on his cheek slips away leaving an absence in Killua’s soul that sends a chill down his spine. The only person he’d lose everything for has gone limp in his arms.

Killua’s head tips back and an uncontrollable sob escapes his lips. “Gon…” He shifts to bury himself in Gon’s hair and mumble a weary reply. “I loved you too…”

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this sitting around for a while now and just remembered it so I figured why not post it? Have fun with some sad Killugon!


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